Hello! Today, we are talking about mental health, specifically self-healing from Anxiety. Anxiety is a normal part of life, but it can become very overwhelming. When we face intense anxiety, it is hard to stop our negative thinking. This negative thinking gets in the way of our daily activities and can make our job performance, schoolwork, and relationships suffer. Do you feel trapped, or like your negative thoughts control you? If so, I’m here to offer simple tools to stop negative thinking.
Let’s dive in.
My name is Hong Jeong. I’m a psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Welcome to our virtual therapy session #4 on how to deal with anxiety. Consider this a virtual therapy session. Just like in a regular session, I’m going to ask you a set of questions and give you time to process and digest your thoughts and feelings. Please feel free to pause the video if you need more time.
First, let’s review. The description box of this video contains a few questions that are important to answer and review for this session. Pause the video and take a few moments now to answer the questions listed there.
REVIEW:
Step #1
First, we talked about the GAD-7, the inventory for anxiety symptoms. GAD-7 measures your anxiety levels by measuring nervousness, restlessness, worrying, trouble sleeping, and other signs of anxiety. There is a link to GAD-7 down below in the description box. Please take your time to fill out the form.
https://www.integration.samhsa.gov/clinical-practice/gad708.19.08cartwright.pdf
-Is your score higher or lower than your earlier score?
-What symptoms have decreased? Which have increased?
Step #2
How would you describe your mood lately?
Let’s measure your recent anxiety levels. To be objective, rate your anxiety on a scale from 0 to 10 (At 0, you feel emotionally and physically stable. 10 represents the most anxious you can feel)?
Step #3
In our session, we practiced an imaginary exercise called, “safe place.”
When, where, why and how did you use your “safe place”?
In our previous sessions, we’ve worked on self-regulation by calming our body down. I’d like to call this a “bottom up process.” We start with our body and then go to our mind.
Do you experience negative thinking because of your anxiety?
Let’s talk about your thinking process especially, in a moment of anxiety.
When you experience anxiety, what are you predicting will happen?
Please write down at least 3 negative predictions. I’ll share mine as an example: When I am feeling anxious, I am usually thinking about bankruptcy, job loss, divorce, and failures.
Can you rank your negative predictions from the most likely to the least likely to happen?
Gauge the level of anxiety on each negative prediction on a scale of 0 to 10 (0 being neutral and 10 being the most intense anxiety, both physically and emotionally).
What did you notice thus far? Isn’t it interesting to see that the more you believe your negative predictions, the more anxious you feel?
A study found that we go through about 50,000 thoughts a day and over 80% of our thoughts are negative. This is very interesting. It leaves me wondering why we tend to think negatively. In overwhelming situations especially, we tend to expect the worst case scenario. What is the purpose of negative thinking? The purpose is to detect potential problems and come up with helpful solutions.
When we drive, it is important to stay alert. Before we make a right turn, we want to look around and make sure it is safe to turn. In this manner, negative thinking helps us ensure safety. However, what if I just focus on possible negative predictions over and over like a broken record? How would I feel? That’s right. I would absolutely feel worse. It is essential to notice when our negative thinking is taking over and defuse or detach ourselves from it so we can move forward. In other words, please allow yourself to have negative thoughts, but stay aware and stop it when they become too much and start to cause feelings of anxiety.
When we experience debilitating anxiety or our nervous system gets overwhelmed, our mind becomes irrational or exaggerates our reality. I’d like to call this “all or nothing thinking.” Let’s say I’m anxious about a job interview. My mind can start thinking “I’m going to mess up...they won’t hire me...I’m not good enough for this job...I’m going to be a failure if I do not get this job.” My mind can think about all the possible catastrophes. And it is very all or nothing. I either get a job or else I’m a total failure.
So, it is important to be mindful of your all or nothing thinking since it can increase your anxiety. There are 4 types of all or nothing thinking. To help you with that, I’d like to borrow examples of all or nothing beliefs from REBT (Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy).
REBT all or nothing beliefs (self-defeating beliefs):
Lack of self-worth:
-I must do everything perfectly or I’m not competent.
-I must be loved by everyone or I’m not loveable.
Lack of safety:
-I must worry about all potential troubles or I’m not safe
Lack of responsibility:
-I must avoid all the problems or my life is not content.
Lack of control:
-I must get what I want, when I want, or my life is miserable.
I’ve heard these core beliefs and at first they seem very irrational and not applicable to me. However, what I’ve noticed is that for me, all my negative thinking leads to a sense of defeat. Before I post this video, one negative thought was “this video isn’t perfect...I really suck at this.” I am experiencing the lack of self worth, and need to reevaluate my thoughts. When we feel trapped by anxiety, our mind gets trapped into a very narrow perspective. To objectively broaden our perspective, I’d like to provide you with an actionable exercise from DBT, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. It’s called “check the facts.”
Checking the facts in the moment is the key point. We are often so quick to act on our emotions which leads to poor decision making. Let’s think about this. If you have to make a decision within 2 minutes versus 20 minutes, which case are you likely to make a better decision?
One thing I emphasize over and over in our previous sessions together is buying time. We want to buy time to notice our feelings and thoughts and analyze the situation we’re in. Haste makes waste. Right?
This exercise is much better experienced than explained, so let’s try it out.
Step #1
I want you to think about a recent anxious moment such as talking during a meeting at work, negotiating your salary with your boss, going on a first date with your crush, etc. What physical and mental anxieties come up? How intense are they?
*Use self-holding exercise to scan the intensity of your emotions.
Step #2
Notice your thoughts, observations, and assumptions of the situation.
What is the threat here?
Step #3
Identify your negative thinking with one of the all or nothing beliefs (lack of self-worth, safety, responsibility, and control).
Step #4
Explore the purpose of your anxiety.
Is your anxiety trying to protect you (fight, flight, or freeze response) or connect you with others (social engagement)?
Step #5
Consider the intensity of your anxiety. Does it appropriately fit the situation?
Step #6
Explore possible solutions and take the solution into action.
Step #7
Let’s check in with your system again.
How are you feeling both physically and emotionally?
Step #8
Check the validity of your negative thinking. On a scale of 0 to 10, how true are these thoughts? (0 being completely false and 10 being completely true)
There you have it. This simple and portable exercise helps me slow down my thoughts, and I know that it can help you manage your negative thoughts, too. So now it’s time to practice, practice, practice. Learning is remembering through repetition. I’d encourage you to write down these steps on your phone or a piece of paper and practice 2 or 3 times a day. Please let me know your thoughts and feelings about this exercise. Take care of yourself and do your healing every day.
If you need assistance with dealing with anxiety, please schedule a 20 minute free consultation with me.